David’s First Book

My son wrote his first book. I have often toyed with the idea of writing a book, but I never expected my 4 year old to beat me to it. That’s it that you see pictured there on the right side of this post. He read the book to my wife first which is funny because I do the same whenever I write a post for this site or for Half-Fast. She didn’t correct his grammar or his spelling, or give him any suggestions for improving it, or question his conjugation, or tell him that anything was inappropriate, which is not funny because she always does that stuff to me. Quite frankly I think that some of the posts that I’ve written are way better than his book. But no, my wife was beaming with pride, whose side is she on anyway?

What was really impressive was that after he read the book to my wife, he read it to me and the story didn’t vary at all. He read the story several times including backwards once, and each time it stayed the same. For those of you who don’t have kids (bite me) let me explain that 4 year olds don’t actually write. The book is just a series of scribbles pictures which is why it is so remarkable that each page corresponded with the same sentence at every reading. I mention this because before I had kids I would have read the first paragraph of this post and imagined a 4 year old having written a 400 page manuscript without even realizing that 4 year olds don’t really read or write, at least not enough to write a book. Anyway here is the story in full, as read by David:

Once upon a time there was a knight, but down came another knight and he fighted him down.
Then there was a dragon, but down came a knight and he fighted him down.
Then there were some scary birds, but down came a knight and he fighted them down.
Then there was a moose and down came the knight and he gave him a muffin.
Then there was a mouse and down came the knight and he gave him a cookie.
Happily ever after.

Please note that I don’t have the author’s written permission to reprint the above book (because he can’t write), and he wouldn’t give verbal permission but if he tries to take any kind of legal action I’ll promptly revoke his TV privileges and send him to bed early. I guess I’m like one of those controlling parents of child actors.

When I first heard the book I thought that it wasn’t long enough, but then I realized that it was a kids book and by the time you add illustrations, supersize the font and then break each sentence over 2 pages you’ve got a fantastic kids book that will retail for $9.95. I love John Grisham but has anyone told him that he could write roughly 43 kids books in the time it takes to write his next legal thriller which will sell in paperback for $7.95?

On first glance you might think that David conjugated “fighted” incorrectly, but I think he’s just taking artistic license there to make a point. Also, I like the twist in the last few sentences. I thought for sure that the moose was going to get fighted down didn’t you? But then out of nowhere the knight gives him a muffin. The best part about the book for me was the ambiguity of the first three sentences. Take another look. “There was a dragon, but down came a knight and he fighted him down.” Who just got fighted down? “He” could refer to the dragon or the knight. The book leaves it up to you, the reader to decide but David was a little more subtle about it than Frank Stockton was in The Lady Or The Tiger.